Our GREAT Pyrenees

(Written by my husband):

Yesterday my six month old son ate horse poop thanks to our Great Pyrenees puppy. Tonight, I can’t help but reminisce over the beginning of this journey into puppy ownership. I still don’t understand it all…

My wife calls me on the phone while I’m at work one day to give me some great news about a new puppy she’s determined to adopt. Before she can tell me this great news, my mind thinks back over the happiness our current animals have brought into my life. Aside from the joys of cleaning litter boxes, fur all over the furniture, and regular grooming of the nails and anal region, there are the sheer financial advantages. For the pleasure of bringing them into my home, these two cats cost me $600. For the pleasure of keeping them in my home, I get to spend almost $50 a month on cat food (our cats must have the best food available, you see) and $40 a month on litter. Why so much for litter, when a bag of “clumping kitty” only costs $2? Because clumping kitty isn‘t good enough for our cats. No, they must have “Feline Pine” which is apparently much healthier for them than clumping litter. I was unaware that cats needed something healthy to poop in, but my wife assures me this is the case. Yes, tremendous blessings, these animals. I brace myself for the “great” news.

“I found a Great Pyrenees puppy from a breeder who’s only about 30 minutes away,” she tells me. This IS great news to me, for I have taken overnight journeys to different states on behalf of my wife in the search for other “perfect” pets. “He’s only asking $250 for the puppies,” she goes on to say. That’s great news, too. Our last pair of pets cost me $600. She continues: “I contacted a trainer about Great Pyrenees dogs and he says that they aren’t hard to train, we just need to buy a training collar for her.” So far, everything does sound great and I begin to breathe a sigh of relief. “Okay, so what is a training collar?” I ask naively. She explains to me that a training collar is a $250 remote controlled device that is placed around the dogs neck and used to deliver an electrical shock when the dog willfully disobeys. My mind whirls. Willfully disobeys? So we’re going to bring in a puppy who will grow up to be over 100lbs and the great news is that we can purchase a device (at $250) to shock this beast into submission? On top of the $250 adoption fee and $100 cost of training??? So, for the low, low price of $600 I get to purchase something to eat my shoes, poop on my floor and shed on my couch, and the REALLY great news is that we can control it by the simple means of remote-controlled electrocution?! What am I supposed to say to this??? There is really only one reply I can make. I love my wife and I want to bless her. “Okay. That sounds great, honey.”

I looked out the window the other day to see this wonderful puppy rolling around in chicken poop. As I gave her a bath, I thought to myself “the GREAT news is… this experience only cost me $600.”